5/21/20 9:59 PM
It's the month of May. It took me 21 days to realize that, but now that I have I'm here to talk about the significance of May. In case you haven't heard, May is mental health awareness month. This post may end up being lengthy simply because I have a lot to say, and I want this to be a raw, unfiltered glimpse of my thoughts on mental health.
Mental health has always been challenging for me. In elementary school I couldn't identify it at the time, but there were days where I was so overcome with anxiety it would take me multiple tries to walk out of my front door. One day, my mom was standing on the porch watching us walk to our school, right down the street, and I swear I must have run back to her crying at least 5 times about how nervous I was before she came with me and watched me walk in the school doors.
Then later on, in middle school, things started to get a lot more serious. This post is not my testimony so I'm not going to talk about specifics right now. But I can say without a doubt the root of all my mental struggles came from my misplaced identity and isolation. The same goes for my freshman year. I spent about 2.5 years in the same mental state without even wanting to change. Without wanting to be happy. For me, it was a choice to stay where I was.
It wasn't a choice when I fell into depression, anxiety, and other things. Allowing myself to hold onto things I knew would only temporarily distract me was a choice. Not telling anyone. Not believing that it was happening to me. Seeking someone or something to blame for all of the pain I was in, rather than accepting it and getting help. Feeling alone and scared when my friends and family wanted to help. All of these things were choices.
If anyone has ever told you that your mental illness is all in your head. This is for you. They're wrong. You have no control over what is going on. I've heard many Christians say that mental illness is a sign of weakness, or that it shows who's faking their belief in God. At one point I believed that about myself. Don't believe that lie. We live in a broken world and chemical imbalances exist. And medicine exists to help with that. But here is what I've learned and have been convicted of countless times.
Isolation kills.
When my mental health started deteriorating, so did all of my relationships. My friendships were failing. I wouldn't let anyone touch me. I could barely stand to be in the same room as my parents. I was alone all the time and I liked it. I did Bible studies to check them off my list, but I never actually absorbed any of the words I was reading. I could recite the correct answers during Church and fake my smile just long enough to get home and write down home many calories were in the kids meal I ate for lunch.
The longer I sat in my room alone the deeper my heart ached for community. Listen because if I say anything good in this post this is it. We were built to be in community. Our brains are literally created in order to reach full functionality when we are with other people. So when we aren't in community our brains stop functioning as they're supposed to. Satan thrives off of people who think they're alone in this world.
Hear me when I say this. I know how you feel. I've felt it. If I haven't been there someone else has.
Emotions are real and meant to be felt. They are mentioned in the Bible, and they are not something that we are made to suppress. May 2020 has been an interesting mental health awareness month. Mainly because we are forced to be in isolation. So more than ever, people are struggling. I am struggling. My friends are struggling. People who have never dealt with anxiety or depression are beginning to feel them and they don't know what to do with it.
There's so much time in the day for us to just think. Thinking about how little you've worked out, how much you've eaten, how much 'better' that one person is than you, what you want to do in the future, what you would be doing right now if there wasn't a pandemic. Guys the list is endless. There will always be something to complain about if you are finding joy in things of this world.
I understand how hard it is. Trust me, I do.
I pray that you take this time to focus on your mental health. Whatever that means for you. Acknowledge that you are hurting, or that you need help. Allow yourself to feel. Find where your identity is placed. Is it in how many friends you have? Or how good you are at your hobby? Or is it in Christ? I've placed my identity in both of those things, and in order to fix that God took both of them away from me.
That's when I was forced to place my worth, value, and identity in him. Once I did that my depression and anxiety and destructive tendencies were less appealing. They didn't seem to be the answer or even an option. God breaks chains. The struggles and issues you're facing are not in your head, but they are from your heart. And they don't change your worth or how much you're loved.
Check on your friends.
Praying,
Addison Wimbish
