Hi friends!! So, this is not the classic theology blog post I would normally write, but this has been heavy on my heart to talk about. This week the musical I am currently in, Matilda, was going to open. We had all made it through 2 months of rehearsals, and countless hours of work. I was beyond excited because this was my first lead role in almost 2 years. It felt as though my hard work had finally paid off. However, I was in for a rude awakening. On Monday, I found out a few members of my cast tested positive for COVID, and the whole show would be postponed. Because of the COVID exposure, I have had to move to online school. On top of that, to protect my parents I have had to stay in my room, and only sometimes go outside. It has felt so hopeless. It is crazy how everything was taken away in an instant: my passion, my hard work, my life, and my coping mechanisms. While being quarantined in my room, it often feels as though I am stuck. Normally when something bad happens, I do one of two things. I make myself as busy as I can possibly be, or I hang out with my friends all day, and obviously I cannot do any of those things. But it got me thinking if I am having such a hard time coping in this time without my normal coping mechanisms, then something is seriously wrong. Clearly, I am relying too heavily on worldly things. My and everyone's one fix and coping mechanism should be Jesus. It should be my relationship with him without the influence of anyone else. Right now, God is showing me that I have not been relying on Him in every way. I should be running to Him first, and yet I am running to the world; the world that will fail always. I have been believing the world is better and the world will make me happy, and look how it just failed me when everything seemed to be fitting into place. But guess what, God is still here and constant! He is the same as he was when everything seemed perfect in my life, yet I am falling apart when worldly things were taken away. That is what the world does. It deceives us so it can break us apart.
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
-Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
I remember when I first read Ecclesiastes; it was honestly depressing. The whole book revolves around the concept of how everything is absolutely meaningless except God. I still sometimes have a hard time believing this, but it is so true. Everything on this earth is meaningless except God and what God is calling us to do. All those things I longed for, and even worked hard for were meaningless because of my heart behind it. I wasn’t always doing it for God’s kingdom; in fact, most of the time I was doing it because I wanted the glory and to know I could do anything I could put my mind to. Now, don’t get me wrong, we must believe in ourselves, work hard in what we do, but not because we are all high and mighty, because God is the ruler and in control of everything. My heart took delight in my labor and fleeting reward. God says to work hard at everything you do, but the posture of my heart was not to serve God, it was to make me look good. When we are not following God and fully surrendering to him every day, it is like chasing after the wind. God is who matters. I pray that we can all remember who truly fills us and brings us complete joy.
With Joy,
Megan Conway
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